Friday, July 11, 2008

The Baltimore Lottery

Rumor has it that Baltimore is wanting to add a WNBA team, and there has been talk of relocation an existing team, but not adding a new team.

Frankly, I don't put much credence in this. But suppose it happens? So which WNBA team will go to Baltimore?

Baltimore Comets: Baltimore didn't really want the Comets. However, Hilton Koch was offering low, low prices and they just couldn't resist.

Baltimore Dream: Ron Terwilliger falls in love with a new sport after his dalliances with soccer and women's basketball. Philips Arena becomes the home of the Atlanta Double Takeouts of the Women's Professional Curling League.

Baltimore Fever: During renovations to Conseco Fieldhouse, Coach Lin Dunn told to move the team to Baltimore, Indiana temporarily. Gets confused.

Baltimore Liberty: "Well, we didn't really want to give up the Liberty, but we felt sorry for Baltimore. If they don't cheer up, we'll give them the Jets too."

Baltimore Lynx: Because who wants to play basketball in a clean city full of friendly people? That's no fun! Besides, once winter is over no Minnesotan goes back indoors until October.

Baltimore Mercury: Believed that average height of Mercury guards would increase 2-3 inches after exposure to water.

Baltimore Monarchs: ARCO Arena lease lost in foreclosure crisis. City offers backup location at Churchill Downs Community Park, complete with blacktop court and chain nets. New site deemed unacceptable for WNBA due to lack of restrooms.

Baltimore Mystics: Because Baltimore has had a grudge for years against Washington for losing the Bullets. "Hah! Take that Washington!"

Baltimore Shock: Bill Laimbeer spends most of season watching old Homicide: Life on the Street and The Wire episodes. Decides that Detroit just isn't tough enough any more for either him or the Shock. Later shoots a man just for snoring.

Baltimore Silver Stars: The move was part of Becky's contract. She likes crabcakes, by the way.

Baltimore Sparks: The Sparks need to save on gas money. Have you seen those prices? In car crazy L. A., the Sparks need to penny-pinch. "We can either pay for Lisa's contract for another year, or we can play next year's games in her living room, now which is it?"

Baltimore Storm: According to Diana Taurasi, Sue Bird got tired of hanging around those dirty, filthy hippies.

Baltimore Sun: The Mohegan Sun signs singing legend Celine Dion for one year. Sun forced to vacate arena to make space for Celine's new dressing room, complete with regulation size basketball court.

Baltimore Sky: "We wanted to go somewhere where we'd be @#$@ing appreciated." Besides, with Baltimore's city government it will be like the Sky never left Chicago.

No comments: